First in War, First in Peace, First with his Foot Up Your Ass!

If you couldn't already tell by the flotsam floating out of Washington DC, we're in an election season. And what self-respecting, America-loving, hot dog-eating, baby-kissing, bribe-collecting, politician wouldn't take the opportunity of the slowing news cycle - brought on by the Fourth of July holiday - to jump on the bandwagon by voting for meaningless, yet easily converted into political ad, issues? You know what that means, don't you? It's time to bring up a flag burning amendment to the US Constitution!

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Beautiful, isn't it? So simple, so plain, so obvious. Its amazing what some authors can accomplish in mere sentences that others can not accomplish with volumes.

I've heard once, but never verified, that Thomas Jefferson opposed the Bill of Rights. Not because he was against freedom, but as he understood the constitution, all freedoms were permitted, and creating a list of guaranteed rights might cause harm because future generations might come to believe only those listed in the Bill of Rights are guaranteed. That is the best and only argument I've ever heard against them.

I seriously doubt the Founding Fathers ever conceived the concept that an American would actually consider burning the symbol for which they fought so hard and valiantly to establish. My money is the thought never entered their minds. If someone burned a flag in front of George Washington, I would assume they would have a lot more to worry about than a court date. They'd have to worry about Washington's foot up their ass. Literally.

But those were the old days, and today we have to deal with a never-ending assortment of kooks who see no boundaries between them and the self importance they feel society and life owes them. "I can do it, and you can't stop me, and I'm on TV because of it, see how special I am?" Special? About as special as French Special Forces, capable of deploying anywhere in the world and in position to surrender within 16 hours of notice.

On the one hand, no one* in Washington really pays attention to the Constitution any more. On the other hand, there are veterans who have really earned the right to not only proudly display their national symbol, but to cherish it's sanctity. If you doubt me, spend some time studying World War II. Trust me, they have a dog in this fight.

But on the third hand, freedom of speech (all kinds, not just spoken, but written, bought, or performance art) is a really great idea. I may not like what they say, and I have the right not to listen, but they do have a right to say it. So it seems to me, there are plenty of dogs in this fight.

Over all, I'd leave the Constitution alone, at least on this issue. I think to myself "what would the most moderate of moderates in American politics, Ben Franklin, say about this issue"? And I have to conclude that old Ben would have come up with a few pithy retorts, humiliating said flag burners. And then a little later, after the fuss was over, send a letter to some of his friends, the ones that really fought in the Revolutionary War, the ones that left blood, limbs, and friends on the killing fields, and say "Hey, do some of you guys want to come up here to my house for a few days? We'll tell some old stories, quaff a few (Sam Adams is in charge of brews!), and then I have this putrid little puke I'd like us all to meet."

Of course, by the time they got there, said putrid little puke would already be trying to figure out how to get George Washington's foot out of his ass.