Rush Limbaugh - Your Nation Needs You!

A few weeks, or maybe it was a few months ago, I can't keep track, Maureen Dowd released a column in advance of a new book that laid out the problem faced by all modern, progressive, liberal, democratic, happening, hip, cool, and whatever, women. Having forsaken the concept of traditional marriage and family life in search of the greater glory of fame, fortune and the brass ring, upon reaching their ultimate goal, they are unable to find suitable mates. How and why could this happen? After all, aren't they successful? Aren't they on the party "A" list? Don't they get invited to all the coolest parties? What could possibly prevent them from being "hunk magnets" and securing the ultimate prize they so richly deserve? According to Dowd, it's because their male counterparts (hip, cool, rich, well-read, etc.) prefer dumb blondes, secretaries, and service workers. I'm not sure if she actually used the term "intimidated" as I can rarely get past Dowd's first few paragraphs, but that's what I suspect she's driving at. In other words, while the progressive, feminist has gone out and conquered the modern metro world, the hunks they were expecting to be waiting at the finish line have decided "bimbos" are easier to get along with.

Let's skim past the obvious, that perhaps men prefer women who have more varied desires than the board room. Lets ignore the possibility that perhaps the hunks she feels she deserves might have met other women on the journey through life and weren't actually standing around waiting at the finish line, and in fact, they have lives. Let's get beyond what is plain to every one who's ever had a successful relationship and realizes that when it comes to significant others, life is not a buffet where one picks and chooses the traits they demand from a spouse: "he must enjoy poetry, sailing, fine cuisine and 'Sex in the City'", but rather an off-the-rack world where you don't force someone to meet your demands, but rather accept each other, warts and all, because you actually love them.

No, we'll leave that in the bit bucket for now. Instead, lets move on towards an answer to solve these problems. And the problems are many. Turn on any liberal news radio network or liberal news TV program, and you will see just how dire this situation is. Immaculately dressed women, hair perfect, visions of grace, intelligence, poise and confidence, and you will immediately see a common thread. They hate conservatives. They rip them to shreds every chance they get. They slowly roast their chestnuts over the open fire of their commentary. They belittle them, humiliate them, make fun of them, insult them, and laugh in the face of any one who doesn't immediately see the absolute correctness of their position. And, having plied the troubled waters of relationships, I know that look. I've seen it before. It's when a women on a date literally spits fire describing who they'd really rather be dating. They need "it."

The only way I can see to bring some kind of civility to the airwaves between liberal-democratic women and conservatives, is for "it" to take place. And I think I type for both sexes, when I coyly refer to "it". We know, because we all know what "it" is. We've all been there before. Be honest. Admit it. We all want "it."

I don't know about females of my age bracket (tail end of baby boomers) but I know every male geek of my day remembers the classic "Revenge of the Nerds". When the head cheer leader falls for the geek, justice was served. If only she would have shut her mouth and opened her eyes sooner, she would have entered the promised land so much earlier in her life. But no, she was restrained by peer pressure. But peer pressure does not allow for one's true desire, it only allows for the desire of the pack one runs with. And that was "no nerds." How silly labels truly are.

Not I'm not suggesting in the least that Rush Limbaugh is a nerd, no - not at all. Rather I'm just using the analogy of "Revenge of the Nerds" to make a point. And guys, I need you to back me up on this, I'm pretty darned sure I'm right. Most women want what they can't have. If you treat them nice, give them respect, they walk all over you and want something else. Be a little uppity, let them know you're still deciding, and they love the challenge. My opinion is, regardless of what Maureen Dowd and her crowd says, we know what they want, and that's what they claim to despise. That's why we need Rush.

Some man on the conservative side needs to seize the initiative, needs to stake a claim in this virgin territory. Friends, that person is Rush Limbaugh.

[Editor's note: The paragraph below makes it way too easy to come up with highly inappropriate links, so I shall be the better person and resist]

I know it won't be easy. It very well may turn out to be down right ugly. But the attempt must be made. Rush needs to be the stand up guy he is. He needs to ride forth into this heard of liberal women. He needs to lead the thrust into enemy territory. He needs to drive home the message of fiscal conservatism. Certainly they will fight back, but he needs to keep pounding these principles home. He needs to do it over, and over, and over, till the message really hits pay dirt. He will be openly mocked for his views on "small government" but he mustn't let that deter him. Rather he must stand tall by his convictions. He must over come their defenses, he must succeed in implanting his conservative ideals in unplowed fields, so the seed of liberty and freedom might grow in this new, fertile ground. And in doing so, Rush will become a symbol to all of us with similar desires and ideals, of the promise of what America should truly be. And he must continue to perform till the ranks of conservative men have the courage to follow him, over the top of the liberal trench, through no-man's land, literally bursting with optimism and ideology, to join him on this crusade. And together we can satisfy the emotional needs that prevent liberal, feminist women from seeing the truth.

Rush, we need you. Maureen Dowd needs you. You're nation needs you. Rise to the occasion!